Trisden Smith

Inmate Profile Picture

Mailing Address:

Trisden Smith #2428691

Utah State Correctional Facility
P. O. Box 165300
Salt Lake City, UT 84116


I lived a life of isolation and suffer from tremendous inner turmoil. I never knew how to talk to people though I desire love and acceptance. I seem to only screw it up. It seems like I am living in a world where everyone is acting upon a script and guidelines they follow, and all I can do is try to stumble my way through this play we call life. Thankfully, in the moments I am granted the familiar "gift" of isolation, I express myself through drawing and writing. When I draw, I draw unguided and will draw anything in my vision or however my hand is guided. I am deaf, but I do have cochlear implants so I love music too. I escape the world in prison through reading sci-fi & fantasy.


I love dubstep, electronic music, dancing, beautiful artwork, cooking prison food. I am a prison guy Fiery. Dungeons & dragons. I want to be a fully changed person before I am free from prison.

So, because I don’t have so much time left, I have been struggling with the fear that I’ll never be able to make it in the world. I don’t know how to act, pay bills, save and make rent, or find a place. I know how and where to work, jobs ain’t shit, but I struggle with being alone, and I have no one to turn to for help. My family doesn’t care. They have their own life. It hurts to feel like I have no one to turn to if I need someone. 


I have to go to Weber Recovery Center, which is a treatment place for 60 days. After that, I plan to go to a sober living. If any of this fails me, I don’t know what to do because I can’t do any more prison time. I’m done. I tap out. If I know that I’m coming back, I’m killing myself. Fat-ass shot, or I’m going to make the cops smoke me. I don’t plan to fuck up, but I don’t know if I know how to make it. Maybe I’m just scared that I’ll fail because I have before, and I’ve never been able to stay out long enough to be something. 


I feel useless and abandoned, as if my life doesn’t matter. I have no friends or anything; I just want someone who will love me and show that I matter in their lives. I’ve been begging for love all my life, and nothing.